Recent martyr Abu Qahata blew himself up three days after arriving to heaven, killing himself and a number of unfortunate bystanders.
The preliminary investigation of the incident indicates that the terrorist got confused when he arrived in paradise and was faced with its beautiful, half naked women and rivers of wine. “I thought I arrived in the land of the infidels,” said Abu Qahata, “the place was green and beautiful, the women were not wearing niqabs or burqas, and I was not able to spot a single religious police officer or jihadist. The people wandering around were just as serene as the infidels I managed to blow up last week.”
Various media reports show that the terrorist’s arrival to heaven marked the beginning of three tumultuous days, starting with his protests for imposing Shari’a law, followed by acts of vandalism and violence against people from other sects and religions. This lead several inhabitants to consider leaving heaven for purgatory, while some even threatened to go to hell just to get away from their insufferable new neighbor.
The violence perpetrated by Abu Qahata is but a drop in an unprecedented wave of celestial violence instigated by recent arrivals from the battlefields of the Middle East, who do not feel they can leave the soon 1440 year long strife between Sunni and Shi’ia Muslims to the living.