In an attempt to compensate for retracting his earlier statement attesting Moscow’s non-interference in the American presidential election, President Donald Trump promised his Russian counterpart, Vladimir Putin, to compose a statement more in line with his preferences.
Donald stated that he is prepared to say anything to please Putin, “Not only will I take back the take back of my first statement about the innocence of Vovochka, I will also say that his actions in Crimea were absolutely right and, I mean, honestly, it would be a smart way to deal with other former Soviet countries. He is a great guy, terrific guy, very classy, so if he wants I will also grant him the right to bomb in Syria, Iraq, Egypt, and Jordan.”
Aware that his most recent statement might have hurt the feelings of the great friend of America, Donald said, “Now all he has to do is point, believe me. If he wants to challenge the CIA, I will challenge them and the FBI. I mean, look, they are out of control. I’d leave NATO too if that would put a spark in his green eyes. What else could he want? For me to declare war on the European Union? Believe me, I have actually been thinking about that for some time.”