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Selected Translations from the satirical website, Alhudood

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  • The UAE releases spy upon confirmation that he is indeed British

    December 5, 2018     No Comment     AlHudood, Politics

    Emirati authorities decided to release Matthew Hedges, whom it recently sentenced to life in prison for espionage, after investigations revealed that he is actually a foreign citizen with value and human rights.

    The spokesperson for the Emirati Ministry of Foreign …

    Read more »

  • Saudi condemns Houthi use of human shields when they know damn well it won’t stop them from striking

    November 26, 2018     No Comment     Politics

    Saudi Arabia condemned the Houthi movement Ansar Allah for using civilians as human shields despite knowing that such a strategy is futile as the Saudi army will bomb indiscriminately regardless.

    The spokesperson of the Saudi Arabian Ministry of Defense said …

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  • Ministry of Education scraps a few subjects in attempt to stop brain drain

    August 29, 2018     No Comment     Politics

     

    Hoping to stop students from leaving the country and exacerbating its brain drain challenge, the Ministry of Education launched a program aimed at addressing its main underlying cause, namely brains.

    The Minister of Education said the time has come …

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  • Saudi Arabia responds to Canada’s tweets by offering asylum to wife beating Canadians

    August 10, 2018     No Comment     AlHudood, Politics

    Saudi Arabia has decided to grant the right of refuge to Canadian citizens who beat their wives following Canada’s remarks concerning the country’s arrests of women’s rights activists.

    The spokesperson for the Saudi Arabian foreign ministry said that it is …

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  • Israel releases Ahad Tamimi after realizing that her village is as good as prison

    August 6, 2018     No Comment     Politics

    The Israeli government decided to release Ahad Tamimi after noting that living in her hometown promises harassment by soldiers and settlers more grueling than any punishment they could inflict on her in a military prison.

    A spokesperson for the Israeli …

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  • Knesset vote to make Israel formally racist in attempt to reject arbitrary racist practices

    July 30, 2018     No Comment     Politics

    The Israeli Knesset voted to ratify a national law legislating racist practices against non-Jews, depriving them of rights in a democratic manner instead of the conventional erratic approach it has taken since the country was founded.

    A Knesset spokesperson, Khanos …

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  • Penitent Trump vows to make amends by letting Putin dictate his next presidential statement

    July 23, 2018     No Comment     Politics

    In an attempt to compensate for retracting his earlier statement attesting Moscow’s non-interference in the American presidential election, President Donald Trump promised his Russian counterpart, Vladimir Putin, to compose a statement more in line with his preferences.

    Donald stated that …

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  • Persecuted Christian emigrates and manages to become persecuted Arab

    July 17, 2018     No Comment     Politics

    Being fed up with the discrimination and persecution he suffered as a religious minority in his own country, young Putrus George decided to emigrate, becoming a persecuted Arab instead.

    Putrus said he decided to sacrifice a future among his family …

    Read more »

  • Erdogan grants defeated presidential candidates forty-eight hours to turn themselves in

    June 28, 2018     No Comment     Politics

    Assuring unsuccessful presidential candidates that he intends to turn over a new leaf, President Recep Tayyip Erdogan, Great Architect of Secularism and Gardener of Human Happiness, granted former opponents forty-eight hours to surrender before pronouncing them fugitives from justice and …

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  • Israel kills paramedic to rebut accusations of only targeting journalists

    June 26, 2018     No Comment     Politics

    Proving that it does not exclusively target journalists and that accusations of inequality and discrimination are unfounded, Israel confirmed carrying out the killing of Palestinian paramedic Razan Najar during the recent unrest in Gaza.

    Defense Minister Avigdor Lieberman stated that …

    Read more »

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